Napping in the boys room

I used to work at an agency that had co-ed bathrooms consisting of a little sitting area with three doors, each leading to a private bathroom with floor to ceiling walls. It never occurred to me that employees used them for other activities until my friend admitted to napping in them after lunch on occasion. As someone who has always appreciated a weekend catnap, which restores my good humor, focus, and creative mojo, I admired her chutzpah. It was the recent research by the Pew Research Center that brought this story to mind. One in three adults say a nap is part of their typical day--although I'm betting they don't try it at work.

Portfolio marriage = flexing over time

For years I've been bothered by Charles Handy's idea of a "portfolio marriage" in Age of Unreason, always thinking he meant serial monogamy--different marriages for different stages of your life.

Apparently I wasn't a careful reader 20 years ago, because, as I discovered upon re-reading that section of the book yesterday, his vision isn't one of changing marriage partners; his vision is one of changing patterns in a marriage--"a portfolio of possibilities," he calls it.

In successful marriages, spouses are able to flex over the lifetime of their relationship. Sometimes you get to take the lead, other times you play a supporting role. There will be times that your roles are ambiguous and overlap and other times your roles are clear and separate. Occasionally you might be "friendly rivals" in your careers and there may be periods when you each want, above all, just to pursue your own interests--maybe in retirement. The first part of this video gives some insight into how Handy and his wife, who is a successful photographer, sustain their marriage.

Writes Handy, "Too often a change in partner is the way many people match their need for a marriage with the need for change. . .If they do not realize that it is only the patterns which are changing, then it is the relationship which breaks."

There are many reasons marriages founder, of course, but I do think Handy was on to something. Circumstances change, people change, relationships change, and we have to be open to all of it and adjust. At the very least, we can wait it out. As we say about the weather in West Michigan, if you don't like it, just wait five minutes.

On office moves

In today's Wall Street Journal, a reporter talks about the discomfort of moving to a new office building. "A move can really shake up an office’s social structure," writes Elizabeth Bernstein. "It rearranges the company’s informal pecking order."

In a facilities move, that's often the point. Companies use their facilities strategically to change corporate culture or speed up response time. The smart ones are intentional about adjacencies, sometimes placing departments that intensely dislike each other together to improve communication. Research shows that people will turn to those closest to them to get non-critical information, which is why changing up adjacencies is effective. The folks who still feel uncomfortable sitting next to different colleagues at the WSJ could take a page from my friend Lois's book: Bring food and share it. Works every time.

A personal look at working on vacation

Before I went on vacation with 21 members of my extended family last week, I saw an Accenture survey showing that 53% of people who say they want work/life balance still work on vacation.

I did a little research of my own and found that about 60% of my fully employed family members worked on vacation, some because they had specific deadlines to meet and others to stay on top of their e-mail. At least one said, "If I can check in with work, it's easier to relax and enjoy myself."

The laptops that popped up on the kitchen counter and patio table are further evidence of the "mashup" of work and leisure, which some have called "weisure." I don't think it's good or bad. It just is. It's the way we live now.

How to feel good--right now

Although conventional wisdom is that if you're satisfied, you'll have more positive emotions, a new study shows it's actually the opposite: The more positive emotions you have, the more satisfied you are with life. Positive emotions broaden your horizons and lead to connection, while negative emotions narrow your horizon because you're focused on whatever problem is making you unhappy. "Rather than focus on the things you think should improve your quality of life, cultivate the tiniest of moments that make you feel good," says Barbara Fredrickson, the lead author of the study. You have to take note of such moments before you can cultivate them; no wonder experts on happiness recommend keeping a gratitude journal.

A column in today's WSJ posits the theory that we spend too much time examining our lives even as we are living them, constantly fretting about whether the work/life balance is right. I think that people either can't or won't take the steps to make their lives more balanced--steps that involve tradeoffs--and they compensate for their inaction by talking about it even more. It's wheel-spinning.

Designer Bill Stumpf often quoted William Gass, who said that comfort is the absence of awareness. The same is true of work/life balance. When our lives are balanced, it doesn't even occur to us to ask the question.

Tips for efficient twittering

Companies and organizations are using Twitter to great effect--recently the Sloan Work and Family Research Network used it to find workplace flexibility case studies it could post on its site--but anyone who tweets knows it can be a huge time suck. Here's how to twitter with maximum efficiency.

If you're suffering from info overload

Now there's a day dedicated to giving you more information about too much information: August 12 is Information Overload Awareness Day. In addition to speakers, there will be a "Visionary Vendor panel highlighting innovative tools and technologies." I'm skeptical that more tools and technologies--even innovative ones--are the answer, but I love the 50% discount for anyone who promises not to multi-task.

There goes the talent

Apparently disgruntled with increased workloads and a decrease in pay and benefits, 54% of those still employed plan to look for new jobs once the economy turns, according to a recent survey. The percentage is even higher among among twenty-somethings (71% will job search). Seems like offering more flexibility would be a low-cost way to improve worker satisfaction--and maybe keep some valued employers even after the economy turns.

Jack Welch on balance

So Jack Welch says there's no such thing as work/life balance in the WSJ: “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” This is related to the point I made last week. Just as no one can define success for you, no one can define work/life balance for you. Welch's definition seems to involve being CEO of a large corporation. Happily, mine does not. It's whatever works for you, folks.

Fun with chairs

One of the downsides of working from home: no one to play Aeron chair hockey with. Also, no more doing "the wave" around the conference room table in our chairs. Fortunately, the Aeron is also good for just sitting in while you work and it remains my favorite Herman Miller chair.

Portfolio life: Structure of a different kind

Ever since I read Age of Unreason, by Charles Handy, I've embraced the idea of a portfolio life. Handy quit his full-time job and set aside 100 days a year for making money, 100 for writing, 100 for spending time with his wife, and 50 for good works. This, I think, is intentional living at its best. Handy figured out that he could make enough money to live on by just working 100 days a year and there were other things in life he wanted to do besides work. The "100 day" structure makes it easy for him to spend time on what's important to him rather than what comes up. "When people phone and ask me to do something, I can say, 'I'm terribly sorry, that's my day with my wife'. It is a freeing way of life," he says. I'm not there yet, but I'm moving in the right direction.

Define success for yourself

One of the reasons I started this blog was I needed some expanded memory for my brain--a place I could store important thoughts, musings, and conclusions, e.g., To live a balanced life, you have to be willing to let go of our culture's definition of success and craft a definition of your own. Only then can you figure out the steps you need to take to make it happen. Marc Vachon over at Equally Shared Parenting has some great examples of how others have done this. Check them out.

When Mom has a bad job, the kids feel it

My high school guidance counselor pushed young women in two directions: teaching and nursing. It's ironic, then, that new research includes these in a list of "bad jobs" for mothers, determined by physical danger and level of stress. The children of women who had these jobs, which also included therapist, nurse, cleaners and nurse's aides, scored lower than average on verbal and math sections of standardized tests. The moms in bad jobs spent just as much time with their kids as moms in other jobs; researchers surmise it's the quality of interaction that affects the child's achievement.